Let Yourself Wallow, for a Minute: 3 Steps to Getting Through a Rough Day
Listen, it’s easy to get on Instagram and glorify bubble baths and face masks as soul-replenishing medicine; and hey, if that works for you then all the power to you. But for me, self-care is about holding myself accountable. Acknowledging when I need a little extra love and taking time to think about where that need is coming from, then working to address the cause rather than the symptom, is the best way for me to advance in my self-care journey. So let’s chat about what that looks like.
1. Wallow when you need to, but not forever
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is to have that pity party. Let it all out. Eat the ice cream. Cry into a pillow. Drink a bottle of chardonnay in the tub. Then put the ice cream away, wipe your eyes, and grab a towel. This is all about holding yourself responsible for your own well being. Physically pulling yourself out of that slump will do wonders for you emotionally, I promise. It’s almost as if by tricking your body into getting out of that physical space, your mind compartmentalizes the sad and helps get you into a healthier mindset. Being sad, or disappointed, or pissed off is crucial and letting yourself feel those things fully and deeply can be a pivotal part of moving through those feelings. But taking steps to do so in a conscious, mindful way, allows you to recognize when it’s time to work on getting better. It gives you some control over the way you’re feeling.
2. Get to the root of it
Once in a while, the sads just sneak up on you with no rhyme or reason, and like stated above, ride it out, feel them, and then do what it takes to keep on keepin’ on. But typically when I’m going through it, there’s a reason I’m in a funk. In this case, I think it’s super important to take a minute and try to figure out not just the what, but the why. As a light example, let’s say you get coffee every day on your way to work, and today you spill it. That sucks, right? Of course. But are you just upset because you love a cup of bean juice as much as the next guy, or is it because it broke you out of your daily routine, and a little structure brings many of us comfort? Now, this is probably a pretty surface-level example, but the principle applies to lots of things that upset you. And hey, sometimes it’s also just not that deep, and that’s cool too. The point is, treating the cause is a much more effective fix than treating the symptom and figuring out the “why” of your glum mood brings you one step closer to better taking care of yourself.
3. Treat yourself with self-care fluff
Even though I joked about some seemingly shallow self-care activities earlier, sometimes bingeing trashy reality TV and polishing off that pint of Haägen-Dazs is exactly what’s necessary to get you out of that slump. Sometimes things just get bottled up and you need to let it out. In this case, I’d recommend a sad movie or blasting Adele and singing (read: screaming) in the car to really get the wheels turning on a good cry. Let yourself indulge in me-time and junk food and a pity party if that’s what you need. Now I should mention, what I consider “Insta-Ready Self-Care” is all fine and dandy as long as you are making sure to do step 2 (above) and aren’t trying to put a bandaid on a bullet hole. A long drive and McDonald's nuggets will help in the moment but if what you’re feeling runs deeper, these aren’t long term solutions. That being said, whatever self-care works for you, works for you and I’m not here to rain on your face mask and bubble bath parade.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, of all of these steps come down to one thing; be kind to yourself. Show yourself the patience and compassion you would show a friend. A big part of this is listening to your body, resting when it’s time to rest, but not letting a bad day or tough situation consume you. The other part is being liable to yourself, calling yourself out on your bullsh*t and getting back up when you've been knocked down. Balancing these two acts can be quite a task, and it’s not a perfect science. But listening to your body and learning when to rest and when to do a hair flip and keep moving can be pivotal to your self-care journey.
